To all new parents: Calm down, you're doing fine.

As you may or may not know I'm a nanny, the new family I work for have a 5 month old who is not a good sleeper. She has short naps and fights them until the last second and she's not sleeping through the night and is taking a long time getting back to sleep when she wakes.

Because of this I've been looking through what resources I have and looking at some new ones about sleeping. And what has struck me is just how judgmental they are. The message is "all the other techniques will cause your child to become a serial killer. Only my way will get them to grow up without major psychological damage." this is the theme that runs through most of the child development literature. Parents are given the message that unless they do everything right they are failure and their child will hate them and never achieve anything ever.

Here's my message. STOP STRESSING. Now I'm not saying that you shouldn't learn about how a child's brain works and how to help them get a good start in life. Neither am I saying that this isn't an important time in your child's life because it is. What I am saying is give yourself a break.

You are doing fine. Is your child happy a fair amount of the time? Do you tell them you love them? Do you show them you care by spending time with them and interacting with them? Are they healthy? Then you are being a good parent.

Does it make a difference if you let your child cry it out it if you comfort them every time they cry? I don't know there is evidence both ways. Does it make a difference in 20years? Who knows, I haven't found any studies comparing college admissions to infant sleep techniques. It probably doesn't matter in the long run. Here's what matters. What can you as a parent handle right now?

Is having to wake up 4 times a night driving you insane? Then try letting your child cry and settle themselves. Is the thought of hearing your baby cry and not comforting them the worst thing you can imagine? Then pick them up and rock them to sleep. What matters now is your sanity. And guess what. It's ok to change your mind. Maybe you try controlled crying and you spend a week sobbing in the corner. Maybe you are determined to go to your baby every time she cries but there's a point where you just can't function anymore. THAT'S OK. You haven't failed you have to do what works for you.

The most important thing you can give your child is love. So read all the books you want or read none but remember don't stress yourself out more than necessary. Each child is different each family is different. Find something that works for you and who cares what other people say. Are you happy? is your baby happy? Then you are being a great parent.